A colleague of mine recently reported that her lunch salad had been stolen from the refrigerator at work. In the grand scheme of things, this is probably no biggie, and my colleague was able to laugh about it.
But seriously: who the hell steals lunch these days?
It got me thinking of ways to prevent such lefts. Sure, we could implement the Internet of Things and fit lunch bags with tracking devices. But I have an easier solution, implementing security levels to stop the groups of lunch thieves.
Layer 1 Protocol
At this level, we put ranch dressing on the salad. This stops the vegans.
Layer 2 Protocol
At this security level, we place shredded chicken and/or pork throughout the salad. This stops the vegetarians.
Layer 3 Protocol
At this level, we place rat poison in the salad. This will kill off the vegans and vegetarians because they think normals laws of physics don’t apply to them. It will also thwart the carnivores who, upon seeing a dead comrade, are smart enough to understand that they need to change their evil ways. Plus all the vegans and vegetarians will be dead. It’s a win-win.